Don’t be a dict, addicted to crude

So Bush did say one somewhat interesting thing that I missed. Fortunately I’ve heard it repeated over and over and over again. We are addicted to oil. We need to beat our addiction with technology. Let me just say, “What in the hell?” As an alleged former addict, he doesn’t know much about addiction. As a future alleged addict, this is what I thought you have to do. First thing you have to stop sleeping with your dealer. That’s always a good step. But you can’t go and create your own supply. You have to stop using. Sometimes you have to find a lesser drug, like methadone, or ethanol, to step down to. But that’s not a solution. You will have to give that up too.

I don’t like to use the term addiction, though. Dependence is a little better. Weak people use certain things as a crutch to rely on when they can’t deal with their problems. Heroin, nicotine, phonics, these may be real addictions. I can’t really say, having never tried them. Gambling, sex, pornography, alcohol, oil, food, these are dependencies. No one needs to completely give them up. We have to learn that whatever it is, we don’t need to rely on it all of the time. We need to learn moderation. Or we can just invade the rest of OPEC. Whatever gives us our gratification the quickest.

That's my Bush

Bush will be giving his State of the Union speech again where he’ll go over his new ideas he wants to sell to us. It seems like he does one of these every year. You’d think he could just come up with a few good plans and actually follow through on them. Any luck finding Bin Laden? Or privatizing Social Security? Or getting steroids out of baseball? I don’t even remember what the others were about.

I won’t be watching it this time. They’re never all that interesting. You can bet my speeches as President will be interesting. I won’t watch, but I can tell you what Bush’s speech will be about. Freedom, terrorism, Iraq, democracy, freedom, terror, 9-11, evildoers, Americans, stay the course. Republicans standing and clapping, Democrats not standing and not clapping. Not going to miss much.

Give life. Get some balls.

I donated another unit of blood today. I always had just gone down to Union South’s Youngblood, usually about five times a year. As President, I’ve instituted monthly blood drives at the White House. I’ve offered up $500 for anyone who can beat my 5 minute donation time.

I really don’t understand why people who can give blood choose not to. I’m going to have to start doing PSA’s where I call guys pussies for being afraid of a little needlestick, question their manhood. I’ll basically call them women for not giving blood. Plus I think asking “Where are yours?” over a picture of two units of blood hanging like testicles would be a good image. I’d also do one where I note that gay men aren’t allowed to give blood. So don’t be gay, give blood.

A Gram is worth a Damn

I guess I went off a bit last night. But it wasn’t all a meaningless rant. So let’s start with the last thing I said. Conversion to the Metric System

Yes, I am aware that America tried this some years back and it didn’t work. That shouldn’t have surprised anyone. We don’t like to change if it means it will take some work on our part. Well, too bad.

It is completely retarded to still be using the English system of units. I’m not even going to explain why, because you already know the reason why the metric system is better. So I’m just going to go ahead and do it. And I don’t care if you want to be stupid. Again, too bad.

Of course the conversion failed before. We gave up on it. You can’t expect everyone to make the switch overnight. You start in the schools, teaching the kids the right way from the start, so it will be 15-20 years before the metric system is fully in place. And then no one will even suggest going back. I shouldn’t even have to write this post. The conversion is on! From now on, I will be using the metric myself, and the rest of you had better start learning it.

I don’t need to specify this, but we will only use the metric units for distance, mass, and temperature (and their derivatives, power, energy, force, area, speed, etc.) I created a system of metric time back in High School, and it would work, but I’m not going to push that, yet. I also created a metric calendar. I know a year doesn’t divide up in multiples of ten. That’s why there would be three 100 day years, winter/spring, summer, and fall/winter, with 65 Nil Days, days that do not officially exist. Nil Days would be mixed in throughout the year and since the day doesn’t actually exist, no work would be possible on that day. It would be a day to take a break, relax, have fun. Do all the things that you never seem to have the time to do. And you still wouldn’t, because the time isn’t officially there.

Where's the Beef?

It’s time to get dirty. That’s right. I’m going negative. The only real problem with attacking my opponents right now is I’m not sure who they will be.

I may as well start with Feingold. He’ll probably run, and since he’s from Wisconsin too, he’ll probably pull some of my local support. Yeah, he’s become popular lately. Yeah, he’s got sort of a reputation for being a maverick. Campaign finance reform, opposing the Iraq war, the Patriot Act. Still, he’s got nothing on me. I just don’t use the term “maverick” because the cattle metaphor dosen’t fit well with the horse metaphor I want to use. Let’s see Mr. Feingold say something like “Let’s institute a national ID card that is mandatory for obtaining any license or employment” or “Let’s throw out the Bureau of Indian Affairs” or “Let’s convert to the metric system.” I’ve got more, I just dont’ feel like listing them all here. I could go on and on if I wanted. And I will throughout the campaign.

Yes, I’ve been drinking a little tonight. What are you going to do about it? Not thrwo your vote away in the next election? Oooh, I’m so scared. You’ll just be the one who looks like an idiot when I win.

Strokin'

Well, Israeli Prime Minister Sharon had a stroke yesterday. The leader of a country becoming incapacitated like this is never good. It does make a point for me, though. A 70 year old man having a stroke is not unusual. That’s what old people do, they die. Dust in the wind. Old people should not be elected to public office. They should be out playing shuffleboard and riding dune buggies, having fun. They don’t need all that stress. And we don’t need a senile old man running the country. Memory, hearing, health, and bladder control aren’t necessary to run the country, but they are nice to have.

I understand that age brings experience, wisdom. But when you’ve seen everything, and know what works, you have no reason to try new things. You become set in your ways and resistant to change. Youthful idealism is only unpractical if you’ve lost hope that things can be changed for the better. Besides, wouldn’t you want someone young, strong, and virile, like me, instead of some old coot, like Strom Thurmond, who actually died of old age while still in office? Now I’m not saying every position of power should be filled based on youth. That would be stupid. Most young people are idiots who aren’t capable of handling any responsibility. I’m the exception, but then you already knew that.

I'm not here to start no Trouble

Well, it’s near the end of college football Bowl Week. Wisconsin, Ohio State, and Penn State all played well and won their bowls, which unfortunately were only consolation bowls. If only there were a way for the top four teams to play for the National Championship. Did someone say add a playoff game? Who would think of such a preposterous thing? Heck, the BCS is already going to add an extra bowl game for the National Championship. Why not just go ahead and do it the right way? Having 1 play 4 and 2 play 3, and having the two winners play in a National Championship Game would seem to make the BCS system fairer. Now, I know the federal government has no say in how the NCAA or the BCS want to run their programs. But damn it, I’m the President! They will listen to me! I’m trying to fix their mess.

By the way, in tomorrow’s game between 1 USC and 2 Texas, you know who I’m picking to win. Let’s compare the two teams. USC: The favorite, the incumbent champions, the team with two Heisman winners. Texas: The underdog, the player snubbed by the Heisman voters. It’s not just that I usually root for the underdog, who is often playing to try to prove something. It’s not just that the reigning champ, or incumbent, is often overrated, glorified before they do anything by everyone, who then uses the hype as justification for further hyping. No, I’m picking Texas to win because I know they will win. You don’t realize how good Vince Young is yet, but you will.

By the way, I’m well aware how dubious this prediction might seem. There is nothing to stop me from changing this post after the game. I’m reading 1984, I know how to do it. But I don’t need to do that, because I’m usually right. And not because I make vague statements that I can later interpret how I want. I make specific predictions that play out how I saw they would. For example: Indianapolis will not lose in the playoffs to New England, but they will lose the Superbowl, to da Bears. Did someone say Superbowl Shuffle ’06?

The Dark Horse is Up and Running

Well, it’s a new year. Really, it’s just an abstract date, but a lot of people see it as a chance to start anew. I just lost my entire blog I had been writing, so I’ve got no choice. I don’t want to lose this again, so I’ve started publishing it to the Web. Besides, I’ve been told that’s where blogs are supposed to be written. It should be safe there, as long as the entire Internet doesn’t suddenly die on me. If that happens, I really will not be happy. But some good did come out of all this. My blog is now actually online. So it’s bigger and better... well at least it’s online. And it’s an actual blog now. All the old posts will be up soon, so go back and read them, comment on them as if they were new.

I have to give props to blogger.com. I have no campaign finances, so finding a site that would publish my blog without expecting me to pay them was important. The first thing I had to do was pick a name. Luckily, Dorshorst08 was not already taken. It’s a good thing, too, because if there was another Dorshorst also running for President in 2008, it might be a little confusing. I wanted a theme to the layout of the blog, so I went with Dark Horse. Because I’m a long shot. Because I’m a little dark. Because I’m- no, I wasn’t thinking that when I went with horse. Plus, it sounds like Dorshorst. So it works on a few different levels.

Anyway, the blog is online now, so anyone can read it. Anybody in the country who is looking for a Presidential candidate they could actually support can go online, right now, and read this blog. Anyone with any interest at all. Well, the blog will be here, if anyone ever wants to read it. Ahh, you people are all idiots, anyway. I don’t want you to read my blog. Somebody please read this.