If I had me a Hammer

I heard today that Tom Delay is stepping down from his office. I understand he’s probably guilty, but I honestly couldn’t even tell you what he is being charged with. Regardless of your opinion of the guy, you have to admit, “The Hammer” is a pretty sweet nickname. Now I don’t plan on being indicted any time soon, but if I’m going to run for a national office, it would be nice to have a cool nickname the press can throw around. I’ve had many nicknames in the past, but “Scuba,” “Little Guy Steve,” “Bruno,” “Uncle Tony,” “Bigfoot,” “Scubo,” “Count Dorkensnorf,” “Little Fat Baby,” and the rest just don’t give the impact I’m looking for. I tried creating my own nickname at work a while back, but Steve “T-Bone” Dorshorst never quite caught on. So I am asking you, my loyal readers, to submit your suggestions. The best one will be selected, and the winner gets the satisfaction of knowing they helped their country.

Lithium

So the madness is about to end. UCLA plays Florida tonight. And I know you all want to know who is going to win. But it doesn’t really matter. Because I’ve already won. Having Florida and LSU in the Final Four and Florida in the championship meant I got enough points to win my pool. So pay up, Mitch. I believe the wager was 1 dollar. And that had better be in cash. Uncle Sam doesn’t need to know about it. I will say this. Joakim Noah is way too ugly to be a champion. And that probably means he will win.

I do have to give props to George Mason. Big fan of the Bill of Rights. And I guess the basketball team did all right too. If I didn’t need Florida to win, GMU could have made the championship game.

It was a good tournament this year. Lot’s of upsets. A few dark horses making deep runs. Key players stepping up when it mattered. And it’s like that every year. It just shows that they’ve got a good system for finding a winner. So I was thinking. Could we adapt that to the Presidential elections?

You have a number of regional tournaments with the winners getting automatic bids. The rest of the candidates are chosen at large, based on their name recognition, past accomplishments, and of course, RPI. All the candidates are seeded. And then we let the madness unfold. For each round, everyone gets to vote for each match up, with the winners advancing, and the losers going home. Call me crazy, but the more I think about this, the better the idea seems.

Pilgrim's Pride

You had me going, weather. I actually thought you were going to step up to my challenge. All the forecasters predicted severe thunderstorms. And you did come up with some pretty severe storms, they just all ducked south of me. I should have known you were too much a coward to take me on. A few little scattered showers here. Pathetic.

If you have to leave, going out like a lion is the only way to go. The whole idea of making peace with the world is a load of crap. Do not go gently into that good night. You’ve got to give em hell while you can, fighting to your last breath. To give up is to say it was never worth fighting for. So if you’re going to bother entering in the first place, make the effort and go out like a lion.

So even though tonight’s thunderstorm is a couple of days late, it’s better late than never. This storm is for you, March. You were a good month, full of corned beef and college basketball. So blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! Rage! Blow! You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout till you have drenched our steeples, drowned the cocks! You sulphurous and thought-executing fires, vaunt-couriers to oak-cleaving thunderbolts, singe my white head! And thou, all-shaking thunder, smite flat the thick rotundity o' the world! Crack nature's moulds, all germens spill at once, That make ingrateful man! After all, April showers bring May flowers.

No joke here

This will be my last entry. I’m finally giving up on this whole campaign thing. It was a ridiculous idea from the start. It was so completely unfeasible no one could possible take it seriously. I understand most blogs are a bit narcissistic, a bit delusional, but this thing never even bothered trying to restrain any of it. I don’t even know why I’ve been keeping this delusion going this long. So it’s all over now. I would thank everyone for their support, but there is no one. Maybe if anyone had actually supported me in this I wouldn’t be quitting. So screw you guys, I’m going home.

April Fools! I doubt that could have fooled anyone. I’ve never been that good at making up wild claims.