Storm Warning

A while ago, back in 3rd grade, our class had to decide whether the weather was nice or bad, more like a lamb or a lion, if you will. The implication was that whichever way the month of March started, it would end the opposite way. It wasn’t science, it was basically all just opinion, and that’s why you know it worked. This year it is tough, though. The weather today was cold, but not really that cold. A little windy. Kind of overcast. Not real clear what it was. And now we won’t know what the weather will be at the end of the month. Will it go out like a lion, out like a lamb, or out like the proverbial boner in sweatpants? It’s this kind of uncertainty that could cause chaos. So, as President, it is my duty to step up and declare that March officially came in like a lamb.

That means March must now go out like a lion. You hear that Mother Nature? I made my decision, you don’t have a choice now. And it had better be a quality lion, bitch. Too many lions these days have been huge disappointments: the Cowardly Lion, the Detroit Lions, Aslan, Jack Dreyfus. Yeah, that’s right. So don’t wuss out on me, nature. I’d better see a good storm when the time comes. Because weather, if March doesn’t go out like a lion, you’re a coward.