31.7.06

Hot enough for you?

Seriously.

306˚ K and 75% humidity. For all you unenlightened, that means it feels like 102˚ F. So how did we get in this state of Hell on Earth? Are we suffering the wrath of Mel Gibson after the Jews arranged for him to get arrested on a DUI? Is this the long-awaited actual proof of global warming? Has the Earth’s orbit suddenly changed, sending us on a path straight into the sun?

No. It is merely the start of August. This happens every year this time. August. Oh, how I hate that month. Those readers from Brazil probably know the old proverb, "Agosto, o mês do desgosto" ("August, the month of misfortune") Curse ye, Augustus, and the foul month you named after your wretched self. August has no holidays, because there is nothing in August that could possibly be celebrated. August is the month where all good things go and die, and usually well before we are ready to let them go. Summer vacation. Elvis Presley. My few years of happiness being the youngest child. Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Marilyn Monroe.

No, we didn’t start the fire. But that doesn’t mean it will be pleasant for me on my five-mile run. So I’ll offer some tips here on how to beat the heat. Don’t be poor. Affording AC is a plus. Don’t be old. This will help to keep you from dying. This will also help to keep you from driving your car into a Starbucks. Wear less clothes. This is always a good idea if you are hot. And if the Dog Days are really starting to wear on you, try shouting “Attica!” a few times. Maybe your significant other will be able to afford that sex change operation after all.

5 Comments:

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