Sunday Cup

It’s been a while since I did any sports analysis here (sorry guys, competitive eating is not a real sport) and with the World Cup Finals and Wimbledon both coming up tomorrow, this isn’t a bad time to do it. So, I’ll let you all know who your president is rooting for, so you can all do your patriotic duty and get on the right side.

First off, a message to American athletes: stop sucking! I’m serious. Roddick, the US Soccer team, Michelle Wie, the US Olympic Basketball team, the US World Classic Baseball team, Bode Miller, the list of disappointments goes on and on. Stop losing to the rest of the world. Or at least try not to lose so badly. Even Justin Gatlain, who just set a new record in the 100m, he still got his ass handed to him by a zebra.

Now, let’s start with Wimbledon. If you remember, Nadal just beat Federer in the final round of the French Open. Is he on a streak to win twice in a row? Not a chance. As good as Nadal is on clay, he does not have a shot to win here. If Nadal wins, I will wear capris to class Monday. And you don’t want to see that.

And for Football? Someone once told me that the country of Italy is shaped like a boot, and that this means they will win the World Cup this year, as the game relies heavily on the use of feet. I’m not sure if this makes any sense, but it’s as much as I know about soccer. Frankly, it’s as much as I care to know right now. Aside from watching some goalie completely take out a guy with a flying elbow, what I’ve seen from the past few matches has been a lot of running around for nothing. Now, if you shrunk the field, and the ball, and the goal down, put it all on ice, and encouraged the players to beat on each other, then you might have something. But this? This is what you sign your 10 year old up for to tire him out before he comes home. Because you’re too cheap to pay for any equipment. Because most games end in a tie and no one has to lose. I’ll tell you who loses in a 0-0 game. Anyone who is watching.

So go Italy. I’d rather have you win than France. And go Federer. Because you are actually capable of winning on more than one surface. And Americathletes, you’d better start winning some cups for us, or I’ll start to think you don’t have anything to need a cup for.