Prepare for a moon spanking

As first reported on Letters in Bottles, the Moon Men appear to be in the early stages of waging a war against us. Today, it appears they took another step forward with their plan, this time attempting psychological warfare.

Nine electric light boards were discovered around Boston today. The devices showed Ignignot, the leader of the Mooninites, extending a raised middle finger, a clear gesture of hostility toward us.

This incident caused authorities to close two bridges and a stretch of the Charles River. It was later reported that these devices have also been found in 9 other U.S. cities: New York; Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, Seattle, Portland, Austin, San Francisco, and Philadelphia. While authorities have found no apparent danger from the devices, Boston Police Commissioner Ed Davis remains cautious. "I'd like to remind citizens to treat any suspicious devices with care and to call 911 if any such device is found."

As I have said before, I wish no hostility toward Luna or her inhabitants. I am open to diplomatic talks. But Mooninites, even if you have advanced beyond all rules and manors, if you're going to coexist with us, you'll have to respect our rules. Otherwise, there won't be a quad laser big enough to save you, once we get done with Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Syria...