6.8.07

A Worthy Challenger

I don't know how accurate this article is, but it appears my nemesis Russ Feingold may be getting back into the race for President.

The Mysterious Congressman, whose presidential campaign continues to be propelled by the dashing, effortless flair with which he exposes the cowardice and duplicity of lesser legislators, challenged presidential candidates of both major political parties Monday to a great public debate.

Capitol police called to the scene once again found only a single red-white-and-blue rose, accompanied by a stack of talking-point memoranda written in the form of tastefully understated rhyming quatrains. Penned in his trademark droll yet frank style, the memoranda laid out a demanding but elegantly simple debate format, in which "no fools shall be suffered and no question begged."

"His appeal for a debate unconstrained by time or subject is exactly what I have yearned for, lo these many years," said Alexandria, VA carpet salesman Craig Hendershott. "Did you hear how he laughed off the moderating services of [CNN anchor] Wolf Blitzer when he was so arrogantly offered them? That we finally have a candidate who stands for the gloriously free and open exchange of ideas is as a great bell pealing in our hearts."

"Long have I dared hope of a wonderful man who would speak plainly yet truly of the national matters that darken our days, especially health care, education, and our tragic entanglement in a war amongst the Muhammadans," said Maribel Suarez, a Walgreens cashier and mother of three. "Now, hope, once near-extinguished, flames brightly within my breast once more."

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