20.2.07

Fat Tuesday part III: the Reckoning



No, that's not forced perspective. The can is the size of my head.

1:00 Started cooking the first potful.
1:22 Starting first bowl. I hope the last bite tastes this good.
1:27 Finished with first bowl. Start second bowl.
1:34 Finished with second bowl. Start third bowl.
1:44 Finished with third bowl. Start fourth bowl. It doesn’t taste that good, but that might just be because it’s the fourth bowl.
2:04 Finished with fourth bowl. Fifth bowl is ready to go but I am not. I feel like I could puke. I’m done eating for a while. I think I’m halfway done. I hope so, anyway.
1 bowl holds 1 1/2-2 cups. I have eaten 6-7 cups at this point.
3:00 Feel like second wind is coming. Metaphorically. The gas has not started yet.
Half way done.

3:27 Start fifth bowl.
3:45
Finish fifth bowl.
4:22
Start sixth bowl. I had hoped to be done in seven bowls, but it looks like there will be more left.
4:58
Finished with sixth bowl.
5:02
The first fart. Just a small one.
6:00 Start seventh bowl.
7:00
Finish seventh bowl.
I am feeling really bloated.
7:30
Starting next to last bowl.
My throat does not want to swallow anymore.
9:00 I don't know what is worse, the Badgers dropping a game to Michigan State, or the gas that I'm starting to get. I went to drop a deuce and thought I was going to blow my rear
off.
9:20 Starting last bowl. I am just going to power through this one.
Another violent poop. The gas is getting bad.
9:45 Done. D
one with the last bowl, done with the pot, done with the can.
Now on to the other can again.
The bottom of the can, bottom of the bowl.
What a beautiful sight.

6 Comments:

Blogger Ryan Gallentine said...

I do not want to be around you at any time today. In fact, I'm pissed that you're polluting Madison's air quality with your anus.
I love that the first bowl took you 5 minutes and the last took you 60.

21/2/07 16:33  
Blogger Dorshorst said...

I wish to apologize to anyone who did come near me today. Particularly between 8:00 and 12:00 this morning. I do believe I now know what childbirth feels like.

21/2/07 18:37  
Blogger reynaldo10 said...

A real man would have had a challenger, someone to compete with. Only a very sick person does this alone.

23/2/07 19:58  
Blogger Dorshorst said...

I'll buy you a can if you think you can beat my times.

23/2/07 22:25  
Blogger Mike said...

Wow... I guess all I can say is it's a good thing you didn't try to see how much water you could drink.

25/2/07 15:18  
Blogger Ryan Gallentine said...

a bean eating contest? thats so crazy it could work.

26/2/07 20:40  

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